haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
