You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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