mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
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