Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
