i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
