i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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