some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
