Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
i think my mom watched the whole time
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
