well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
We had sex on a dog bed..
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
and you fell through a lawn chair
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
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