You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
I need to stop coming to work sober
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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