laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
