im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Can I color on your dick again?
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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