I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
