I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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