I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
