Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
