If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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