you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
