Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
