Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
