I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
