yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
