Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
