so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
