After last night, I could never be a politician.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
