Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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