I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
