do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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