i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
