Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I have already put on my inside pants.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
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