The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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