where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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