Cold hands, warm shart.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
