this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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