Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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