Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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