I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Randomize
