I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
