i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
