Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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