I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
