Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
