my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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