I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
