So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
