Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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