i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm experimenting with sincerity
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
