Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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