Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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