Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize
