One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
