He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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