I am spending my child support on dildos
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
