Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
